DAY 1 BCPs

 That's right, you heard it here first.  Hubby came home early, and we had the talk.  I expressed my powerful wish that we start this cycle, and sang the praises of my doctor and of IVF, and just like that he said, "okay, why don't you start that pill tonight?"  So yea, we are starting!  Ready, set, go!

It is hard to believe how I had sunk down to such a horribly low place just a few hours ago, almost breaking down into tears when my boss had the audacity to say, "Hi".  I'm serious.  It was a rough morning with DH suddenly getting IVF cold feet, and then finding out that more family members had been told about the situation than I had hoped.  It was all spiraling out of control, and that miserable feeling of dread and gloom began re-emerging from my already irritable stomach. 

I admit to being surprised that our news had gotten out.  I really thought we could keep it contained, even within our "noisy" families, but alas, I was wrong.  The biggest problem with this is that some of the people who were told are those kinds of people who a) don't understand that keeping this a secret also applies to not telling other relatives, and b) will make comments and ask questions, that no matter how well meant will undoubtedly upset me.  

Case in point, when I was 12/13 and was visited by AF for the first time, I told my mom, who told my grandma, who told her sisters (because you know, it's just family), and by dinner (we just happened to be meeting them all for dinner that night, lucky me) I had my great aunts and uncles and their grown up children all congratulating me on being a woman now, explaining what a beautiful thing it was, and making jokes about my lack of cheerfulness that night. 

Anyway, back to the BCPs.  It was so odd opening that little blister pack and swallowing down a pill.  For years, it was the norm, but now it just feels odd and wrong.  I got it down though, and I'm not looking back.  I'm still worried about our hysteroscopy - which will basically knock us out of the running till Boston if it comes back that I need surgery to remove the fibroids - but I think for now I need to find a way to let it all go.  Nothing to be done for the next two weeks, no OPKs, no timed intercourse, no nothing.