Tuesday, February 15, 2011


 That's right, you heard it here first.  Hubby came home early, and we had the talk.  I expressed my powerful wish that we start this cycle, and sang the praises of my doctor and of IVF, and just like that he said, "okay, why don't you start that pill tonight?"  So yea, we are starting!  Ready, set, go!

It is hard to believe how I had sunk down to such a horribly low place just a few hours ago, almost breaking down into tears when my boss had the audacity to say, "Hi".  I'm serious.  It was a rough morning with DH suddenly getting IVF cold feet, and then finding out that more family members had been told about the situation than I had hoped.  It was all spiraling out of control, and that miserable feeling of dread and gloom began re-emerging from my already irritable stomach. 

I admit to being surprised that our news had gotten out.  I really thought we could keep it contained, even within our "noisy" families, but alas, I was wrong.  The biggest problem with this is that some of the people who were told are those kinds of people who a) don't understand that keeping this a secret also applies to not telling other relatives, and b) will make comments and ask questions, that no matter how well meant will undoubtedly upset me.  

Case in point, when I was 12/13 and was visited by AF for the first time, I told my mom, who told my grandma, who told her sisters (because you know, it's just family), and by dinner (we just happened to be meeting them all for dinner that night, lucky me) I had my great aunts and uncles and their grown up children all congratulating me on being a woman now, explaining what a beautiful thing it was, and making jokes about my lack of cheerfulness that night. 

Anyway, back to the BCPs.  It was so odd opening that little blister pack and swallowing down a pill.  For years, it was the norm, but now it just feels odd and wrong.  I got it down though, and I'm not looking back.  I'm still worried about our hysteroscopy - which will basically knock us out of the running till Boston if it comes back that I need surgery to remove the fibroids - but I think for now I need to find a way to let it all go.  Nothing to be done for the next two weeks, no OPKs, no timed intercourse, no nothing.


  1. Isn't it strange that to get pregnant you have to take birth control pills? I've always thought the irony was funny. And yeah for being able to continue!!

  2. Congrats on starting the pills. Now take the next two weeks as an opportunity to relax.

    I struggle every day with whether or not to tell my mom what we are going through. It's really hard. And it's not even that I worry she can't keep a secret. I'm afraid her concern for me will keep her over involved in the day to day process of it all, which would make a negative outcome that much harder for me to bear. Anyway, I wish you luck with your family too.

  3. That sucks about the family spreading your news against your wishes but I'm excited for you! Good luck!

  4. YAY!!! I'm so excited you for and the hubby of course!!!
    How exciting!!! I"ll be crossing my fingers, toes and everything else for you..I might cramp..but I'll be hoping and wishing positive thoughts!!

    I hope to have some answers in the next few weeks. Until then I need to figure out all the questions I want to ask. It's a bit different here then it was in the States when you are dealing with doctors and IF and OBGYN's...we'll see if I can make it without tears. I'm not holding my breath!


    Thank you for following! I love all of your input - it means a lot to me and makes this journey not feel so lonely!


  5. Thanks for the support ladies, as always :)

    @Jen, I'm sorry you feel so conflicted about telling your mom. I have to tell my mom and sister everything, mainly because I need their support to make it through all this crap. My sister told me the other day, that if I don't tell her right away if we get a positive pregnancy test because I'm scared, she won't be offended, but she wanted me to know that as happy as she will be for me to be pregnant she also wants to be there to cry with me and give me comfort should I miscarry or experience a chemical pregnancy...and knowing me, I'll need that support.

  6. Oh good luck! That is exciting news! I have a feeling that we won't be getting to IVF until after our 2 year TTC mark (June). Too much is coming up financially for us, but I wish I were going through this with you. It would be nice to be able to fret with a friend.

    Yay for BCP's!?

  7. Yay for starting :D
    I always find it strange when women are put on BCP to help w/ TTC lol. Seems so ass-backward lol

  8. So glad you are starting out on the BCPs (oh the irony). Telling friends and relatives is always a tricky thing. We haven't told anyone about our IUIs, simply because like my husband says, it will become a "legacy" and something for everyone to talk about - "did you know so and so is having the doc inject her husband's sperm into her" kind of talk. Also, people like to talk, especially when its something you asked then NOT to talk about. Lastly, their stupid "helpful" comments are irritating.

    I hope this cycle goes smoothly and we'll see you with a positive beta soon! I owe you an email - will do that soon.

  9. Nice one - you're starting.

    Your period story made me laugh - a girl I went to school with told me that she started her period, told her Mum in the morning and when she came down to breakfast her dad and all her younger siblings gave her a big round of applause. But at least that was immediate family.

  10. Hi Kerrik,

    I have been reading your blog, with great pleasure btw, you write good, for some time now. Wish you all the good luck in the world!! My man and I have been ttc for 2 years now, we had 3 mc, all early. have had some tests done, my AMH is low and I have elevated ANA levels. Tubes and uterus are fine luckily and we are focussing now on improving my implantation issues, which it seem to be. We have no IVF options here in France, as my AMH of 0,8 is supposed to be too low (weird, I´m only 31, but allas). They found out I have low progesterone levels, and I get extra progesterone now and heparin, a blood thinner, for the immune issues.

    Hope it works out well and quick for you, in the mean time I keep lurking and reading yopur posts,

    Best of luck,
    Hannah Blum, France

  11. Congrats on getting started!!!!!!!