4dp5dt and possibly losing my mind

It's almost midnight, and so just a tiny bit closer to test day (April 5).  My emotions are tender/raw depending on which adjective you prefer, and I think the only think holding me together at this point is my worn out husband and my broken out skin. 

I've been having cramping for two days now, and a strange, phantom stabbing - almost burning - pain in my vag which no one seems to be able to account for.  I don't have any symptoms of a yeast infection, but I swear at times it feels like something is trying to tear my lady bits in two.  I've read about implantation cramps, and sadly this isn't that.  They are supposed to be mild and short lived not constant and miserable...plus the location is all wrong.  My loved ones keep telling me that maybe it is just my body changing to accommodate a pregnancy, but I've had pains during the TWW before, gotten my hopes up, and been destroyed by a blinding BFN

Basically, it hurts to not have hope, but it is terrifying to have hope, so I'm just kinda trying not to think too much at all.

I experienced cramping during acupuncture yesterday (apparently a risk factor no one told me about), and had a complete meltdown about it when I got home.  The fear that I had unwittingly destroyed all chances of my baby surviving implantation by shaking things up down there was too much for my fragile state and I went full on, hysterical sobbing crazy.  I'm still a little shaky thinking about it, and I've decided not to go back to the acupuncturist till we know more. 

I've also been feeling kind of low because my OHSS symptoms are almost completely gone now, and I was told if I became pregnant, they would get worse, not better.  I realize it is strange and possibly psychotic to wish for more pain and discomfort, but there it is. 

So, there you have it.  Only 4 (well, almost 5) days past transfer and I'm a wreck...a wreck who even had the idiot notion of peeing on a stick today after a short hold.  There was the faintest of lines, but I'm about 99.9% sure it was an evap line.  I've never had one of those before, so I was surprised to see it, but I couldn't make out any color in it.  DH has threatened to hide the rest of my sticks till at least Sunday...maybe I should let him.