Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring has Sprung, and other musings

Today is the first day we've had around here that might actually feel like spring.  The temp is expected to finally rise out of the frozen, windy doldrums of winter and into the 50's!  My goal is to experience this day like a rebirth, and the start of a "fertile" season for the world both inside and outside of my womb.

I'm feeling lots of twinges down below, and hoping this means we'll be seeing more action on the ultrasound tomorrow.  I've been listening to my Circle and Bloom meditations every day, sometimes twice a day, and really trying to envision my body as this perfect, fertile garden, just waiting for some magical seeds to be tossed in and take root.  I've also been sending constant positive thoughts down to my ovaries, and trying to imagine that each injection is like cool water begin poured over parched earth...sounds pretty hokey, I know, but the thoughts are nice and they give me more pleasant dreams at night.

I've come to realize that I need to think of my body as this rich, fertile, place - for my own happiness.  I need to believe in the power of my uterus to sustain a healthy pregnancy, and most of all, I need to replace every "barren" feeling with one of "fruitfulness".  I hate the words "barren" and "infertile", and I think it is pretty clear that our society hates them too.  What comes to mind when you think of those words - "wasteland", "desert", "dryness" and "dust", "famine" and "hunger"...whereas "fertile" brings us to "bountiful", "lush", "rich", "full", "life-giving".  Is it any wonder we infertiles are so self-hating and unhappy so much of the time?  Our very language has betrayed us.

Anyway, I'm off, off to enjoy this spring day - at least for the time takes me to get into the office (where I sadly have no windows).  I might take a detour or two, just to get a few extra breaths of fresh air into my lungs. :)

Happy, lush and fruitful thoughts to you all, and welcome to spring!


  1. Ahhhh, enjoy your Spring weather! It's supposed to be 60 here in Ohio tomorrow! Can't wait for Spring air!

  2. Lol, well I'm glad the more positive approach is helping you :)

  3. We still have small piles of unmelted snow in the north here. But yes, the temps do feel like spring! I hope spring comes soooon. I cant wait to get rid of my hat, gloves and jacket.

  4. Grow beautiful follies! I love the CB audio's for all the reasons you describe. Mostly the way that they replace all the negative language with positive loving language. if these thoughts are going to fly around in my head all day, they might as well be positive, right!

    I am sitting here right now with my back door open and a nice breeze blowing the the house. The birds are singing. Spring is here for the central coast!

  5. I 100% believe that language affects us. I read this passage once that everything we say only gets 3 feet away from us. Then, the sentiment of what is said stays there and clouds us - for better or worse. Not sure if I agree, but just in case - I'd just assume have bountiful beautiful ovaries looming around than a barren uterus. Just saying. :)


  6. You are very right. Us Infertiles tend to think of ourselves in a negative light - think down to our bodies.

    I will try to be nicer to my body too. It deserves my support.

  7. Happy fruitful thoughts right back to you! Spring is a good time for positive thoughts and growing follicles!

  8. I know I've been enjoying my c+b mp3s as well, even though I'm still definitely listening to the precycle ones. They're just relaxing. In any case, good luck growing the most awesome follies that you can, and keeping positive.