So I finally got to say so long to those awful, side effect inducing BCPs. Today was the last day of um, and day three of the Lupron, so now I've just got to look out for AF, and check in with my RE on the 9th for my baseline ultrasound.
I have become a total pro with the Lurpon shots I showed off a bit for DH tonight. This was his first time watching:
There's me all cool as a cucumber with the needle sticking out of my thigh, and a come hither glance at DH...then there's my hubby, looking like he's seeing a horrific car wreck that he just can't turn away from...I didn't have the heart at that moment to remind him he'll be doing the intramuscular ones.
In other news, I had a horrid phone conversation this afternoon with a bosom girlfriend of mine. She has two kids, one toddler and one baby, and an uncanny ability to say the absolute wrong things to her infertile friend. Our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Is that _____ I hear in the background? She's sounds kind of upset.
Her: Ugh...tell me about it. Man, are you SURE you want kids. I mean really, this little one will probably change your mind completely.
Me: (Silently biting lip and thinking of snappy comebacks I would never actually say out loud)
- Later -
Her: Well, you know, you've never been good with being patient, I think you just need to be patient. I mean you are young and healthy...are you sure you should be doing IVF? Is that REALLY necessary at this point...(it continued with great comments about how nice my life must be with so much free time - you know, with not having kids and all - and more, but I won't bore you with the details).
I know I tried to say something - to interject and maybe comment that my doc might know a little more than her, and that she might be a little upset and impatient in my situation, and that, oh yea, of course I don't REALLY need IVF, I'm just doing it because I LOVE shooting myself up with fertility drugs and I was just DYING to waste a CRAP load of money on something that might not even work....Somehow, I never got the chance to say much at all. She just kept talking, so I just started not listening.
I got off the phone, took a few deep breaths, burned about 360 calories on the elliptical, and practiced my new mantra: "I am grateful for this chance to make a baby. I am grateful that we have been able to find the money to afford it. I'm grateful for the advances in science and medicine that are making it possible. I'm grateful for my supportive friends and family (she would not included in this), and I'm grateful for my life and for my wonderful husband who shares it with me.
It helped...sort of.
I have become a total pro with the Lurpon shots I showed off a bit for DH tonight. This was his first time watching:
There's me all cool as a cucumber with the needle sticking out of my thigh, and a come hither glance at DH...then there's my hubby, looking like he's seeing a horrific car wreck that he just can't turn away from...I didn't have the heart at that moment to remind him he'll be doing the intramuscular ones.
In other news, I had a horrid phone conversation this afternoon with a bosom girlfriend of mine. She has two kids, one toddler and one baby, and an uncanny ability to say the absolute wrong things to her infertile friend. Our conversation went a little like this:
Her: Ugh...tell me about it. Man, are you SURE you want kids. I mean really, this little one will probably change your mind completely.
Me: (Silently biting lip and thinking of snappy comebacks I would never actually say out loud)
- Later -
Her: Well, you know, you've never been good with being patient, I think you just need to be patient. I mean you are young and healthy...are you sure you should be doing IVF? Is that REALLY necessary at this point...(it continued with great comments about how nice my life must be with so much free time - you know, with not having kids and all - and more, but I won't bore you with the details).
I know I tried to say something - to interject and maybe comment that my doc might know a little more than her, and that she might be a little upset and impatient in my situation, and that, oh yea, of course I don't REALLY need IVF, I'm just doing it because I LOVE shooting myself up with fertility drugs and I was just DYING to waste a CRAP load of money on something that might not even work....Somehow, I never got the chance to say much at all. She just kept talking, so I just started not listening.
I got off the phone, took a few deep breaths, burned about 360 calories on the elliptical, and practiced my new mantra: "I am grateful for this chance to make a baby. I am grateful that we have been able to find the money to afford it. I'm grateful for the advances in science and medicine that are making it possible. I'm grateful for my supportive friends and family (she would not included in this), and I'm grateful for my life and for my wonderful husband who shares it with me.
It helped...sort of.
Shucks. I have figured out that IF is a litmus test for true friends.
ReplyDeleteHi Kerri- You have another fellow Resolve girl following your blog now. 'G.' gave me the link. It was so good to meet you (I sat right next to you, on the right)! :) IF may bring large cracks in our current friendships but we can also use it to build friendships with others who truly understand what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first day on blogger.com but if you want my email, maybe there is a way to private message me? (I don't have a blog, only a journal on babyandbump.com)
Laurel
Thank goodness we are done with those nasty pills. It may all be in my head, but I am starting to feel better already!!! :)
ReplyDeleteSorry that you had to have a lame conversation with your friend. My 'go to' line has been simply "I'd rather not talk about this". It does an impressive job of getting me out of those painful discussions.
Your affirmations are perfect too - I keep repeating them to myself, and keep listening to my audio meditations. I am actually feeling a strange sense of calm these past few days. it is nice.
My baseline ultrasound is on the 8th! So exciting :)
Hey Laurel, I don't know how to contact you except to write you back on here. I would love to chat offline. My email address is kerrik(at)alumni.brandeis.edu.
ReplyDeleteHope you get this.
- K
That conversation sounds like ones I have had with people in my life too. people that don't understand and never will.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are on your way to bringing your own little one into this world. Hopefully one shot is all it takes! Hopefully hubby won't pass out trying to give you those shots. Mine would.
Isn't it just great how oblivious people can be. Sometimes it makes you want to say: "No, I'm not enjoying my 'free time' I spend all of it wanting something that I may not ever get to have, and that you don't seem to appreciate. P.S. I love your mantra.. I think I need to repeat it to myself.
ReplyDelete"IF is a litmus test for true friends."
ReplyDeleteSo true!
Arghhh! Just as mothers complain that we really don't understand just how hard bringing up children is, most of them simply don't understand just how hard having children is.
ReplyDeleteCould you just say quietly, but decisively, "That really isn't helpful"?
Thanks for all the comments ladies. I forgot to mention that is someone who also made the comment, "I mean, it took us a while too...three months of trying, you know. It didn't happen right away." This was said before the comment about me being impatient.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I don't think anything I could have said would have made such a conversation any better. :(
Noticed on Cycle Sistas that you're cycling this month... me too :) Best of luck with your cycle and looking forward to sharing it with you xoxo
ReplyDeleteLOVE your mantra!! Your phone convo sounded brutal! Whenever someone says "Are you SURE you want kids?" etc. I always throw out "Yes, because they don't come out a 2 year old." (or whatever age that particular kid is) It has worked wonders for me and I have a friend that laughs and repeats it back to me when her son is having a tantrum :)
ReplyDeleteOh my fertile cousin and previously infertile SiL say some awful things to me as well. A lot of which you posted!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how ungrateful people can be.
It's great you've become a pro with the lupron and great mantra btw :0)
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad that well meaning friends say the dumbest things, there's usually no malice but it smarts all the same doesn't it? One of my step-daughters pulled the 'if you were a mother card on me yesterday', just thoughtlessness, the irony is she has PCOS but fell PG very quickly without intervention, so now is qualified to comment on my situation ad nauseum.
Oh my word! Those are some incredible comments coming from a "friend"! You have such resolve not to go postal on her! And I really really like the sentiment you ended this post with. I am going to have to remember that. I too am grateful for having the money (or really, good credit cuz you know I didn't have the cash to pay for this IVF!) and I'm grateful for modern medicine.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a lovely post!
Much love!
~Elaine