Mind you, my husband is Indian, and as any Indian daughter or DIL can probably tell you, the pressure to have a baby starts immediately upon marriage; making any DIL who fails in this most simple task, to be left open for chiding and discussion by the rest of the family. Not exactly being the first choice DIL material (what with being American and Jewish and all that), I at least thought this would be the one task I could and would succeed in, and I truly wanted to succeed (with every childless part of my being), but sadly we all know the outcome. Luckily, my sweet and wonderful MIL knows somewhat of our trials and difficulties, and she has lovingly held back from asking any questions during our recent telephone calls.
Anyway...on to the second scene:
Same vacation, different day, DH's cousins brings up a much feared (by me) conversation. You see, when DH and I were married, his cousins jokingly bet on how long it would take for us to get "knocked up". It was all good fun to talk about back then, back when I was innocent and thought one month off the pill would see me preggers and already buying nursery items... Anyway, fun cousin #1 made a joke about losing the bet (she bet it would take less than 12 months), and scolded me for making her lose. I really wanted to laugh, and it would actually have been funny had we not found out we are infertile and had I not been crying like a banshee a week earlier over getting my period, but in that moment I just wanted to curl up and die. It's time like this, I wonder if I should just tell them the whole awful truth.
Next week we will be visiting with my best friend's family, who are basically my extended family, and I just know there will be comments and questions...especially since one of the sisters, who will be there, recently had a beauty of a baby and she got married after us. I am right now pre-wincing with pain, and hoping to get it all out of my system here on this blog. Wish me luck, and good luck to all you ladies wading in the same waters.
K
Ugh! Whoever thought large family gatherings were a good idea must not have been an IF'er. j/k I know it's hard, but hang in there. Maybe this visit will be better.... or maybe I'm just being a little too optimistic. :-)
ReplyDeleteUgghh I hate when conversations like that happen. Sorry hun. You hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! People can be so insensitive without even realizing it. I have friends and family who know we've been struggling and still make uncomfortable comments.....it DOES help to tell them what you are really going through and how you are really feeling....even though it is hard. It is so embarrassing for me.
ReplyDeleteThose "innocent" comments aren't really innocent. In our family we agree not to talk about sex, politics or religion. Makes for much more peaceful gatherings.
ReplyDelete~Jem (ICLW #5)
I hope the holidays are kind to you and there are few uncomfortable discussions. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteICLW #29
Thanks everyone for the support. Hoping you all enjoy a warm, happy holiday this week!
ReplyDeleteGod people are so clueless sometimes. You just know these people have never gone through this or they would never say something like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm here from Mels Friday Round-up. I feel your pain! My in laws are Vietnamese and it's the same situation. I'll be thinking of you this holiday.
ReplyDeleteYOu should take some pre-vodka for the pain. (ICLW #52)
ReplyDeleteUGH. We made the mistake of telling my sister in law that we've been TTC for 24 months and this year for Christmas she bought us a "fertility frog" (?) and made a potion that will help us get pregnant. I died of embarrassment. Not only that, but just found out two of my siblings are pregnant. And then I started my period. I'm beginning to hate the holidays.
ReplyDeleteThe title of the post sums it up completely. Here's hoping that a year from now will feel very different from this holiday season. (Here from Mel's Roundup)
ReplyDeleteI say tell em and make them suffer a little remembering all those crass comments they made! We shouldn't suffer in silence. It's too cruel and way too lonely.
ReplyDeleteGood luck:)
You guys are awesome, thanks for all the comments and support!
ReplyDeleteIt may be too late, but I wrote a list of possible comebacks for just this situation! If you have a minute, and need a laugh, check them out. Happy ICLW! AP
ReplyDeletehttp://mydustyuterus.blogspot.com/2010/12/rejoice.html
Hope the family has been going easy on you and not making too many comments. Unfortunately dealing with those situations never gets easier. Big Hugs and hoping all your dreams come true this year! (Stopping by from Mel's Roundup)
ReplyDeleteUgh I hate family gatherings when those questions are asked! I have to admit I have skipped out on several events to try and avoid those conversations
ReplyDeleteMay 2011 bring you happiness and joy!!
Happy ICLW
#50
Hope that Christmas was great and you got off without a lot of horrible comments. I'll never forget the Christmas after we told my MIL that we were having problems conceiving. She gave me a porcelain baby-doll! It was so awkward, humiliating, and painful. I'm sure that being a part of a culture that holds fertility to such a high importance makes it that much more difficult. I hope that 2011 brings many amazing things your way! Lots of luck and love from ICLW #110!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I think family often says things that they think are a way of connecting, but because they don't really understand the situation.. they come across all wrong.
ReplyDeleteICLW #28
I'm sorry you had a painful experience with your family. I think cultural differences can be difficult in this regard. I hope that 2011 brings you much joy and happiness!
ReplyDelete