Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Fear and Loathing in the Midwest

So, my doc wants to increase my Clomid amount for my next cycle, and I don't even know why.  I'm ovulating and responding, I just don't get pregnant.  I ovulate even off the Clomid (albeit late, and with long cycles) but I still don't get pregnant.  Doesn't that seem like a clue to anyone else that maybe ovulation isn't the problem?

I guess now I have to face a new set of fears: a) my Gyne is out of options and thinks throwing more Clomid at me, even though I developed a cyst on 50mg, is all she can think of, b) the increasing doses of Clomid will destroy my, till now, beautiful endometrial lining and copious cervical mucus, leaving me with a new fertility hurdle, while not actually correcting anything, and c) things are worse than I thought and either my eggs aren't being fertilized, for one reason or another, or they get fertilized and can't implant.  That having been said, it seems every day my frustrations grow that we won't have coverage for an RE till at least July, more likely August/Sept.  I just want to being treatment already.  I want answers, and proper care that my Gyne and current insurance company can't provide.  I can't stand waiting anymore, especially knowing that we could start care and find out we have to go straight to IVF (though right now, I honestly think an IUI might do it). To make things worse, this new, pretty insurance package comes complete with my husband having a new job where he will be traveling every week, (Sun night to Thurs night).  How the hell are we supposed to manage a BD or RE/Sperm collection schedule with him never home?  Inside, I feel like I'm on a time clock till this job starts and I'm freaking out a little bit more each day. 

We are sitting this cycle out as far as the Clomid goes.  My poor vacation planning, and my husband's travel schedule are not going to allow for good BD timing, plus the cyst is probably not gone yet.  I am sad, but agree it is for the best (besides, I have no reason to believe it will actually help anything anyway).  I really hate my body right now.

In other news...
The night before I started AF, when I knew she was coming, I had already cried for two days and so was feeling pretty relaxed - hanging with friends and trying to forget everything.  That friend called, the one who got pregnant on her first try and has been having a difficult pregnancy.  She decided to once again extol to me how miserable she is being prgnant.  I know she doesn't realize it hurts me, but really, how is her timing so damn spot on?  We talked for a good 10-15 minutes, mainly me listening to her talk about how bad being pregnant is, and how much she hopes never to go through this again.  I said some comforting things like, "Every pregnancy is different," and "try not worry, at least the baby and you are both healthy and doing well."  I said all these things and didn't once say anything mean or tell her she is being terribly inconsiderate and to please stop talking to me about it.  I'm pretty proud of that.

And Finally...An important question to the blogosphere:

I'm moving to the Boston area this summer (when the new job starts for DH), and we will, in all likelihood, be pursuing the aid of a RE to help us get pregnant.  I know there are many good clinics in the Boston area, but it is hard to know what really defines good.  Can people recommend certain clinics over others?  Offer suggestions?  Advise on finding a good one?  What to look for, that kind of thing?  I'm feeling pretty in the dark over here and my luck with finding docs has so far been pretty dreadful.


  1. oh friend, I feel you. It sounds like we are in the same situation. I am ovulating every month, but nothing is getting me pregnant. And DH's sperm is good...
    I have tried all dosages of Clomid and Femara...and nothing.
    So we are taking a couple months off. Regrouping. Sounds like what you are doing. I even made an appointment with the RE next month to see if they can tell me what to do next. I don't want to keep doing something that is not working. I am sure you feel the same way.

    Good job also in handling your pregnant friend! I have had the same thing happen to me and it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut.


  2. You should tell your friend. You really, really should. You don't have to listen to her complain about being pregnant... especially if she's a good friend, she should understand.

  3. If you're ovulating on Clomid there's no sense in increasing the dosage because your body will start to ignore the drug. My guess is that the Dr wants you to ovulate earlier than you do? In which case, he should be telling you to change which days you take it.

    I was taking Clomid on CD5-9 from memory, and I wasn't O'ing til around CD18. So I changed it to CD3-5 and it brought forward my O day by 2-3 days. My body responds really well to Clomid, I was able to O on just 1/2 a tablet a day.

    You are being very noble toward your friend, but you should be honest with her. Tell her you'd love to be in her position and you wouldn't be complaining to people who are struggling with their fertility.

  4. Ugh, I can't stand hearing those lucky women complain. So sorry you have to hear that. She should be more sensitive.

    I'm also sorry about your treatment frustration. Is there any way they could do more testing and bill it as diagnostic? My initial testing was completely covered.

    I just talked to a lady that found out her CM was hostile or that perhaps her hubby's sperm has an antibody in it. She had post-coital testing done and found that the sperm were dead. I'm beginning to wonder if that could be a lot of girls' problem. Might be worth looking into, if you haven't yet.

    I think upping Clomid might be worth a try. It might give you a couple extra eggies for a better chance. I took 100mg this cycle with my IVF meds, and my lining looks great! I also had tons of fertile CM.

    Wishing you the best of luck!

  5. Hi There, I've been living in the Boston area for 12 years. You will love it. And there are certainly no shortage of doctors here. I only personally have experience with on OB/GYN and one RE. The RE is at Partners Reproductive Health Center at Newton/Wellesly Hospital which is just out of the city (convenient for my more own suburban location). Her main office is at Bringham & Women's Hospital, which is right in the city, and the place were mosr fertiles I know actually give birth. I'm sure you could not go wrong there. Around the city, from what I hear, there are also several clinics called Reproductive Science Center. Lastly, there is this organization, which i recently discovered myself:


    They probably have a lot of helpful resources, and host a conference every November (which I personally amd really hoping I won't be attending!)

    Best of luck to you. Boston is a great place to live!