Monday, January 3, 2011

Baby clothes blues

An email from a friend today had me reminiscing about a time when I thought getting pregnant would be easy...back when I would scrutinize reviews for baby strollers and car seats and search through nursery themes with the eager anticipation of one sure that she would be pregnant at any minute.  The email was a general inquiry about domestic violence shelters in the area that might be collecting used baby clothes that her daughter had grown out of.  I work in the DV field, and liaise with area shelter, and was the therefore the logical person to ask.  About half-way through answering her email, the thought just popped into my head, "maybe I should ask her to keep some of the less obviously girlie stuff for us for when we get pregnant."

As quickly and abruptly as the thought had occurred, I shushed it and shoved it away somewhere in the darkest recesses of my brain.  What could I possibly have been thinking?  Lord only knows when that might happen, or if it will ever happen.  Should she hold onto the clothes forever, hoping against hope that one day they might be of use to her infertile friend?  What silly optimism, what audacity, to think that I might be pregnant so soon, and might have use of such things as her beautiful daughter's cast off clothes.

It is not that I want to be a pessimist, it's just the fear of letting my hopes soar once again.  I'm just so afraid of the pain, the starting over, the emptiness.  I need to stay hopeful, really I do...I just can't go so far as to think of setting aside clothes for a baby that may not come to wear them.

7dpo and losing faith daily.  Not a great start to the new year, is it?

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6 comments:

  1. ADSchillJanuary 3, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    I am also 7dpo and do not expect anything. There will be no testing and I plan on trying my best to just move on.
    I know what you mean about the baby clothes. My girlfriend is having her baby this month and was given a bunch of my sister's baby items...they should have been for me...suck.

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  2. AnonymousJanuary 3, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    I'm the same way--I don't want anyone to buy baby things or think about baby things to even talk about them until it's time.

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  3. LisaLJanuary 5, 2011 at 7:25 AM

    Awww **HUGS**
    I go through this as well. Not with baby clothes (no one to give me some hand-me-downs), but with the baby stuff I've already bought or the room I'm working on. Just those dark moments where I think.. what if I never get pregnant.
    I'm sure most couples going through infertility think these things. **BIGGER HUGS**

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  4. MaryAJanuary 6, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    I hear all of these sad stories and I want to lose faith. I am trying so hard to stay positive. I had my ultrasound this a.m. and I have one mature follicle. I get to take the novarel tonight. I am trying to be positive, but all i read is sad and discouraging. I get on these blogs in hopes of good news and never hear any. Now it is a waiting game. I wish I were a patient person. I have been trying for years to get pregnant, this will be first ovulation (at least we hope). I had a HSG 4 months ago and a laproscopy 2 months ago. my prob is PCOS. Best of luck to u all. I know the pain and sorrow of not being able to conceive and there is nothing worse than false hope. My prayers r with u all.

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  5. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    Oh boy, I can definitely relate! Letting our hopes get up ends up hurting more, so we grow pessimistic shells. I guess there is no happy medium. Baby dust sweetie.

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  6. mary aJanuary 21, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    well, i just found out im 4 weeks along!!! yipee. so here's 2 r good news and i am sending gl 2 u all. it will happen. it did 2 me.

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