Wednesday, November 17, 2010

HSGs, SHGs, stirrups oh my...

I am now finished with both my HSG and my SHG (sonohystogram), and am proud to say that there was nothing, I repeat, nothing to be seen.  This is happy news, especially after enduring the pain of both procedures, but it leaves me to wonder where I go from here.  What's next for us?  DH went for a semen analysis this morning, and we are waiting on those results, but my next meeting with the OB/Gyne (AKA Dr. No Good News) is not till December, so for now it's just more of the same and lots of waiting.

My birthday is in two days, and this has led to a lot of mixed emotions.  I will be 29, and I always imagined I would be working on baby number 2 at this point, and of course be exceedingly successful and living life to the fullest. Instead, I'm jumping from lab table to lab table, dropping everything for pointless doctor appointments and lab results, and working as a temp in a job wholly unrelated to my field and/or interests.  I want to be better in the year to come. I want to start living my life again, and more than that I want to be free of the crippling emotional pain that comes with the end of each menstrual cycle...I'm not really sure how to do this, but I think I need to find a way.  I can't avoid my pregnant friends, and those with kids for forever, I can't keep beating myself up inside with every new ovarian cyst or visit from AF, and I can't keep planning my every move around a possible pregnancy that may never come.  It's time to embrace my 29th year of life, dust off the cobwebs that have gathered on my dreams and ambitions, and remember how to live.


1 comment:

  1. Happy Birthday! :)
    I hear ya though. Never thought I'd be at this point in my life with still no children.
    Hopefully soon we'll both have our families and have the lives we so long for *HUGS*