Beta #2

So, after more lab errors, a lot of phone calls, and one minor breakdown on my part, I finally got my 2nd beta results - 384!  Beta #1 was 87, so that is a quadrupling in three days. 

I am exceedingly relieved, but still too nervous about this pregnancy to let the following words escape my lips, "I'm having a baby."  These are words I yearn to say out loud, but I'm just not ready.  I'm still so scared that I'll somehow jinx this and lose everything.  Everyone is telling me to relax, and think positively, and I swear I'm trying, but my brain just runs away from me to this scary, scary place.  I love this little life so much.  It is already a part of me.  I have to keep it safe, somehow.

In other news, some of the family drama I mentioned the other day has taken a turn for the much much worse.  My uncle, is dying from cancer, and the whole family is in mourning.  It is strange to be going through one of the happiest things that could happen to me at the same time that my aunt and young cousins are going through one of the worst.  My aunt and uncle's youngest is only 12 years old, and she is apparently in denial even with hospice care set up in her house, and everything else happening all around her.

My good news has been the only good news around on both sides of the family, and every talk with my mom or grandmother is bittersweet and full of lots of tears and less than promising updates from the West Coast (where my aunt and uncle live).  I feel guilty, but I am trying so hard not to think of my uncle or my aunt and the kids.  I want my baby to have positive thoughts from me, instead of constant stress and sadness, and that is already hard enough with all these hormones and fears of losing the pregnancy.

Truly, it's a very strange place to be.

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IF Stories Project:

A lot of you ladies have recently mentioned some brave words and thoughts about IF activism, and I've been reading them all and trying to figure out where exactly I fit in with this particularly "ism".  I want to do something to help other families going through IF, especially those that may not have access to or have found a community like ours, and I've think I found my idea.

Now, I am not the strongest writer in the world, but I can edit other people's work like a champ, and have been known to compose some pretty decent short essays.  I have a feeling there are a lot of us like that out here in the blogosphere, as well as a lot of really fantastic writers, so I am making this proposition to you all:

1. Send me your stories: Write down, in 2 - 4 pages (maybe a little more and I can help you edit it down), the story of your IF journey.  Feel free to write about the whole journey, or to just highlight the parts you feel have been the most poignant for you.  Also, feel free to pull from your blogs, but make sure to give me permission to use your writing when you send your email.  Here are some examples of topics, but please don't limit yourself to only these:
• General Infertily
• PCOS, Endometriosis, DOR, or other medical condition
• Miscarriage/Loss
• Pregnancy after infertility
• Motherhood/Parenthood after infertility
• Advanced maternal age 
• Marriage/Love and IF
• Single mom IF
• Male perspectives on IF
• Adoption after IF
• A.R.T. adventures
• Support groups
• Male factor IF
2. Make it anonymous or put your name or just put your age and town/state.  This is entirely up to you, but please provide me with a valid email address in case I need to contact you for any type of release or other legal issue.
3. Share this post with your readers, hopefully spreading the word and bringing in many more varied stories.  

The goal of all this:  I want to gather together a variety of personal stories from the blogospehere, and hopefully publish them.  I want to make your stories heard, and to give other infertile families a chance to learn from our community and to find support in it.   Each of our stories has the chance of connecting with at least one person, somewhere out there, and maybe making them feel just a little less alone as they journey through this difficult time in their lives, so this I vow to you all now - If you share your stories with me, I will fight to make them heard!

Please send your submissions to:

uncommonnonsense1(at)gmail(dot)com

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you,

- Kerri